Monday, May 18
Let’s hope Lakers defeat Broccoli – er, Jazz, in series
Utah as good as vegetable is healthy, but both are
unappetizing
Just how flat were the Lakers on Saturday night?Let’s just look
at the numbers – they don’t lie..295 – Although this is a solid
batting average, it’s a putrid shooting percentage and the Lakers’
worst in playoff history..174 – L.A.’s three-point percentage.
Nice. In the wake of one of the biggest trades in sports history,
with the Dodgers dealing Mike Piazza and Todd Zeile to Florida for
Gary Sheffield, Bobby Bonilla and two others, it’s too bad the
Lakers can’t trade for some playoff experience. The colorful young
showboats were humbled by the old farts.During the dream series
with Seattle, the Lakers showed flashes of the glory days of the
1980’s in winning four straight to stun the Sonics 4-1. But how
quickly they fell back to earth when playing the NBA’s best regular
season team.But come on now, it’s only one game. Right?!Maybe or
maybe not.I mean, game one against Seattle was a similar Laker
meltdown – but losing by 35?Maybe all those callers on the AM radio
all year long were right – the Lakers are a talented team but just
don’t have the heart or the team mentality. They’re just five
individuals, not a finely tuned, cohesive group who play on each
other’s respective skills.The Mailman had his way on Saturday,
scoring 29 and completely dominating the floor. Seven Utah players
finished in double figures.The Shaq factor in game
one?Non-existent.Shaq Fu was stripped, beaten, thrown to the floor
and otherwise had his feelings hurt when the big, bad Jazz players
wouldn’t let him make baskets.Shaq-hammer instilled fear into the
hearts of the Utah faithful as he burned the Jazz every time they
sent him to the line – sinking a phenomenal 7 of 16 from the
charity stripe.I’m still waiting for a Å’Big Game’ James to
assert himself on this Laker team. You know what I’m talking about:
during those glory days, who could forget that famous play which
has been shown on old NBA highlight films thousands of times –
where Worthy, fully extended and horizontal, saves the ball from
going out of bounds and passes it ahead to a teammate for a
basket.As I mentioned before, this 1997-98 Laker team showed signs
of that type of effort in the Seattle series but it appears as if
that desire (or playoff fever, call it what you will) was, like a
cold, just a passing malady which affected its host temporarily and
then disappeared.Just like the regular season, the Lakers played
like the top team in the league one game and like a collection of
rookies plagued with attitudes and bereft of any semblance of team
basketball the next.In all fairness, however, before we fold up the
tents, only one game is in the books, with an eternity left to
play. Eddie Jones and Nick Van Exel are not about to allow a kid
who was at high school prom last year to score all the points.
Ostertag and Foster, with or without hand gestures, are not going
to be able to contain the Å’free-throw god’ for long.Regarding
that dynamic duo known as the Å’twin towers of Greg’ – is it
just me, or do they need a ball stuffed down their throats? Foster
scores 10 and suddenly he’s Michael Jordan, putting his index
finger to his lips as he stares at the Laker bench.Memo to Mr.
Foster: Play ball, score your seven points and leave the hand
gestures at home. Foster is like the 5-foot-5-inch guy standing
behind his bodyguard who, with dubious confidence, points a finger
and yells, "Ya, that’s right, back down from us, we’re bad and
you’re a little pansy!" And if the assailant makes a sudden move in
his direction, he quickly hides behind the bodyguard.It’ll be
interesting to see what kind of adjustments Del Harris will make
for tonight’s game in Utah – he’ll need good ones and a whole lot
of them.Is it just me or does the thought of the Utah Jazz reaching
the NBA Finals again incite an involuntary gag reflex?I mean, how
many Jazz fans do you know, outside of Salt Lake City?I know one
and he currently alternates between his Florida Marlin and his
Nebraska Cornhusker caps.I’m not really sure why it is that Utah,
like broccoli, conjures up such sick feelings while being so
effective.Utah is the defending Western Conference champs, while
broccoli supposedly helps eat away cancer.Yet both are so
unappetizing.So, whether you are a Laker fan or not, you need to
hope for a turnaround in this series. If for no better reason, do
it because you hate broccoli.Hummel is a fifth-year English
student, potential friends should write to
[email protected]
Jared Hummel