Chapman is a third-year English and history student.
By Corey Chapman
At the beginning of each and every quarter, you trudge into the
ASUCLA textbook store like a sheep being led to the slaughter,
knowing what indescribable horror awaits you. Reluctantly handing
the cashier your credit card so he can drain your life savings, you
tell yourself the insane number he just spouted was just a result
of his speech impediment. Finally, you walk out of the store,
lugging two bags of books worth far more than their weight in gold,
depressed that there was nothing you could do about it.
But fellow students, you need not fear those days of
helplessness any longer! There is something you can do!
Hello, I’m Owen Bugiardo, president, treasurer and sole
beneficiary of the Buy Matt a Book Fund. Somewhere on this campus
is a student who needs your help, a lonely kid without a textbook.
You may ask yourself, how could I possibly help this poor and
pitiful boy? By contributing to the Fund! For less than the cost of
a Starbucks cappuccino a day, you can change someone’s life,
and thus resurrect the carefree happy-go-lucky boy of
yesteryear.
Before college, Matt ““ his last name is being withheld to
hide his nonexistent identity and protect us from an IRS audit
““ was all laughter and smiles. Yet after leaving the UCLA
textbook store for the first time, he was changed forever. His
grins became frowns, his mirth now melancholy.
With your continuous and unwarranted support, however, we can
put that beaming smile back on his face with all the latest and
greatest of school supplies necessary for a solid education ““
$75 unreadable readers, $120 half-used textbooks, mechanical
pencils with unbreakable lead, comfortable-grip pens, boxes of blue
books, and overpriced UCLA notebooks””mdash;with the UCLA logo on
them! With your generous donation, Matt will be able to weather
financial aid cuts, housing and tuition increases, parking fee
hikes and higher Big Blue Bus fares. Yet don’t think for a
moment that your gift will go unreciprocated.
Once your donation has been processed, we may send you a
personalized Buy Matt a Book Fund kit, complete with our phonetic
spelling of your name in high-quality Bic pen ink””mdash;right on
the front! Enclosed you will find a letter of gratitude full of the
most modern clichés, and a detailed report regarding what your
donation was probably used for. But that’s not all. Every
month until our operation is closed down by armed federal agents,
we will send you pictures of a once bookless boy who can now
embrace a textbook of his very own. And if somehow by an act of God
we ever became a valid non-profit organization, you can rest
assured that your donation would be tax-deductible. Finally, you
will possess the priceless satisfaction when you fall asleep at
night in Powell Library knowing that your not being able to afford
a Westwood apartment helped a boy buy a textbook, or something
rather close to one.
All this can be yours, but it doesn’t come for free.
Please send your full name, address, credit card number and
expiration date to [email protected]. Any other information
you can provide is appreciated, as it will better help us fill out
credit card applications for you to aid in your giving.
But please, don’t delay ““ time is running out. Matt
has already switched from biology to history, quite possibly
because of textbook costs. We can only fathom which other north
campus major he could sink to if he’s unable to pay for his
textbooks!
Look inside your heart, and let it guide you to your wallet. How
can you think about your troubles when there’s a boy out
there who needs your help? Don’t forget: just because you can
no longer afford your education doesn’t mean Matt
shouldn’t be able to.