The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things ““ of salaries and happy hour and even wedding rings.
As graduation and real life approach faster than Nicole Richie loses weight, I can’t help but wonder where four years of my life have gone. The nights spent watching the first season of “The O.C.” in Dykstra have seamlessly slipped into sorority formals, dancing in the rain in Rome, and endless hours at the Daily Bruin office.
Man, all of this nostalgia is making me depressed.
But what’s even more depressing ““ or humorous? ““ is all of the amusingly sad things that celebrities have been up to these past four years.
I think it’s only fitting to close out the 2006-2007 A&E staff’s columns with a top 10.
So without further ado, read on and reminisce about the most bizarre, badly behaved, and brazen celebrity moments of the past four years.
10. Janet Jackson’s Superbowl performance ““ Janet Jackson? Pretty hot. Justin Timberlake? Really hot. Timberlake ripping off part of Jackson’s costume at the 2004 Superbowl? Not hot.
9. Rosie O’Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck verbally duke it out ““ Last month’s catfight on “The View” turned really nasty really quickly. And not to mention awkward ““ why wouldn’t they just cut to a commercial break? In case you missed this ridiculous piece of television, all you need to know is that Elisabeth “likes facts.”
8. Denise Richards takes paparazzi hatin’ to a new level ““ If you see the paparazzi, you have three options: Walk away quickly and cover your face with your crusty black sweater; spew obscenities and throw in a profane gesture to make your point; or throw the paprazzi’s laptops out a window.
Richards chose the last option in November 2006, and the flying machinery whacked an old lady in a wheelchair on the head. Fortunately, Grandma didn’t press charges.
But gee, Denise, it’s not bad enough that you got BFF Heather Locklear’s man ““ now you’re abusing little old ladies?
7. Michael Richards’ comedy performance goes sour ““ He may have been eccentric as Kramer, but his racist comments at a stand-up comedy performance at the Laugh Factory in November 2006 were just plain out of line. What he did, that’s unforgivable. Better give him some waffle fries.
6. Breakup of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt ““ I thought they were the perfect Hollywood couple … well, that is, until Angelina Jolie entered the picture. Pitt and Aniston divorced March 5, 2005. As much as I love the Tomb Raider actress, I have to go Team Aniston on this one.
5. Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitic tirade ““ Although the “Braveheart” star’s inflammatory comments were shocking when he was detained for drunken driving in Malibu in July 2006, it basically confirmed what a lot of people already thought about him.
4. Paris Hilton’s sex tape ““ I was just a wee freshman when Hilton’s infamous sex tape got leaked onto the Internet in November 2003. As a result, stardom came quickly for the celebutante. The climax of her glamour-filled, bling bling life came when she was admitted to jail this month, proving that even celebrities are not immune to the law.
3. Lindsay Lohan’s life in general ““ While some of us were attending 8 a.m. math lectures or hitting up Bruin Café for a late-night smoothie, Lindsay spent these past four years navigating through a tumultuous series of events.
La Lohan’s father was arrested in February 2005 and subsequently went to jail; she admitted to suffering from bulimia in January 2006; she was involved in a car collision in November 2006 (her third in two years), began attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings a month later, and went to rehab ““ twice ““ in 2007.
The drugs. The partying. And now, the “knife pictures.” Is there any better example of a crazy celebrity life on speed?
2. Tom Cruise’s couch-jumping ““ Katie Holmes was cool in “Dawson’s Creek,” but is she really worth embarrassing yourself on national TV in front of millions of fans? The “Mission: Impossible” star seemed to think so in May 2005. But perhaps it’s in line with some of the other crazy things he’s done (becoming a scientologist, anyone?).
1. Bald Britney Spears ““ All the media coverage about Britney shaving her head has probably driven you crazy by now. But still, it’s got to be the strangest celebrity event of the past four years. Was it a cry for help on that fateful February 2007 night, or a cleverly planned publicity stunt?
We may never know why she did it, but these days, it’s the thoughtlessness that counts.
Remember when Clay Aiken and “Joe Millionaire” used to be cool in 2003? If you do, e-mail Fylstra at [email protected].